the mayor of fun

I probably get it out once or twice a year. I plug it in, blow into it once just to clear the dust out, and it works flawlessly every time.

Yesterday morning a few friends and I drove down to the public shooting range in the Francis Marion National Forest to obliterate some cardboard targets.

We rolled in there around 9am, and a few other people had gotten there early as well. But there was a group of about eight young people who looked a little out of place. They all looked like the trendy, young graphic designers I’ve met over the years in the print industry, and they had about a half dozen pre-WWII vintage rifles. They seemed to be spending more time talking about the weapons than actually firing them.

I couldn’t really make out what they were talking about, with the hearing protection and guns firing and all, but I could imagine them saying, “You haven’t heard of the Mosin-Nagant? The AR-15 is so mainstream.”

This is a conversation about future baby names. It is not an indication that said future baby’s arrival is imminent any time soon. Also, Xavier was her grandfather’s middle name and is high in the running to be any future boy child’s middle name as well.

Amy: Do you like [boy’s name]

Me: I’m not crazy about that one either.

Amy: I like the name Charlie. How about Charlie Xavier?

Me: You want to name our kid Charles Xavier!?

Amy: No, Charlie.

Me: OK, but you’ve heard of Charles Xavier, right?

Amy: Who?

Me: The leader of the X-Men? Bald guy in a wheelchair?

Amy: No.

Me: Patrick Stewart’s role in the X-Men movie.

Amy: Oh, OK.

Me: We can’t name our kid Charlie Xavier. He might be made fun of by the other kids. Or chastised when they find out he doesn’t have any mind powers.

Amy: Well, I still like the name Charlie.

Assistant manager: We’re going to put this job on a different press. Don’t change a thing. Just put it on the different size plates.

Me: Are you sure you don’t need me to change the layout if it’s going on that press?

AM: Oh, right. You need to change the layout.

Me: So, don’t change a thing, except to completely redo the layout?

AM: Right. Thanks.

Other department assistant manager: It sure would be great if you could do [something] differently. That would make it a lot easier for us.

Me: That’s either extremely difficult or impossible. There’s nothing wrong with the way we’re doing it now.

Manager: Oh, OK. Never mind.

[an hour later]

BOSS: Assistant manager came to me and said we need to do [something] differently. Do it his way from now on.